Tuesday, August 2, 2011

How I offended the Locals

The MODG, if you don't know her, she's kinda like The Oprah, or Jesus, only I don't call him The Jesus. Anywho, she reminded me of our local fair's baby pageant contest. As the daughter of a beauty Queen, I jumped on the opportunity to exploit show off my child.

It was hotter than a whore house on nickel night, in the bingo hall on the fairgrounds. We got there early to support The Modg and her son, G. After they were robbed by Mike Myers (actual participant's name), we sat around for 2 hours. Because apparently they don't know or I don't know how old my son is, (it's them). I figured since he is 12 months he would be in the 12 month catagory, but no, they put him in the 13-16 month catagory. WHAT!?!?! How the hell is supposed to compete with walkers? But I figured we had this in the bag, he's dressed in a gingham smocked romper with race cars, I coordinated in a white shirt with blue gingham pants. IN.THE.BAG. For good luck The MODG gave me her "My Kid is the Total Package" pin, I left it on the stroller as to not seem to cocky. (You know where this is going right?) Yeah we didn't even place.

Afterwards my friend, Jonathon and I started cussing like drunk sailors. The poor white haired woman next to us almost stroked. She had this horrified expression on her face. Her expression only made me laugh harder, which is what we were doing by this point.

I called my mother in the car and told her. We came to the conclusion that for Brooks to really contend we are going to need to get a pageant and talent coach, but the real reason we think he didn't win....his lack of hair. What do you think?

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